You learn something from everyone you meet, but you can't always tell them.

the only thing i need now is to have two peaceful, undisturbed days without anyone. Or maybe I just need some sense of familiarity.. as opposed to my previous post.




Studio ghibli soundtracks.

Returning to something familiar.
Just what I need. This is really what I need. The purest form of expression without words (or at least those that I do not understand) Especially mononoke.

The greatest conversations are the ones that bring out the best in you, things that you don't consciously think of. Comfortable conversations where you don't feel the need to impress, where you don't have to conceal your real thoughts (for some might assume that you're speaking for the sake of impressing).

There are not many people who can make me speak. Most make you feel like you have to prove your worth through the words you utter, for they are constantly observing and judging and deciding if you're worth talking to. I do not want to prove my worth to the many out there who don't give a damn. Most people just drain me of energy. The great ones listen with an open mind; they know you speak not for validation, but simply for expression and connection.

Today was nothing short of great - I decided to take on more responsibility during practice today and controlled my impatient side. Hopefully I was of the right help. Met three pleasant ones for lunch, with a familiar talk of the lifestyle overseas and school. An impromptu meet up of dinner and drinks with two new people that added freshness to my recently zombiefied mind. New people really do give you energy - I am reminded of my interview with Marli that brought me out, and allowed me to learn more about her lifestyle.

Traveling has been a recent 'hot' topic, perhaps because it's the holidays and we are finally of age. I want to travel to know people, because they offer you alternatives. Knowing the place is not enough. It's not just learning about the difference in culture, but of the many different personalities that exist, shaped in ways we cannot comprehend until we speak to them. They also brought out the appeal of towns with character, which I fully and completely agree with.

This has been the best day since a whole month or maybe two, perhaps with the help of the lightness I have gained from meeting some at the conference I have worked for the past four days. You just need to find the right people to talk to.

Since this unhappiness is unreasonable, let's just pretend it's moodiness.

death

Last night I witnessed how beautiful my mother can be - her passage basically summed up the life of my grandmother. We were always in grandma's thoughts, even though her way of expressing it inconvenienced and annoyed us often. I thought of what I would say about my own mother many years down the road and teared.

I wondered about how I'm worrying about the future instead of mourning for grandmother. Some cried while they lowered grandma into the incinerator, and knew the tears were actually mostly for my grandfather. Casually, I imagined one of us getting into an accident while we were on the way to the crematorium. What would happen then? Do the dead or dying matter more?

-

It is not easy to mourn for the dead when they are right in front of us, or perhaps it is just me. All of them spoke to the cool, icy side of the glass while I stared at those features that no longer reminded me of her. I couldn't hear her voice in my head either.

We cry about change. Nothing really changed this time - I visited her the number times I normally would when I visit hong kong, and till our next visit, I will be alright about the loss.

-

There's one thing though, I don't know what is wrong with me because my default mood is that of sadness.

not enough to withdraw from the mob

Read this while waiting for the ceremony to begin:

"Socrates was told that one man was not improved by travel. 'I'm sure he was not', he said. 'He went with himself!'

If you do not first lighten yourself and your soul of the weight of your burdens, moving about will only increase their pressure on you, as a ship's cargo is less troublesome when lashed in place. You do more harm than good to a patient by moving him about: you shake his illness down into the sack, just as you drive stakes in by pulling and waggling them about.

That is why it is not enough to withdraw from the mob, not enough to go to another place: we have to withdraw from such attributes of the mob as are within us. It is our own self we have to isolate and take back into possession."


- of the three days I got to explore the older districts of hong kong, I felt like I didn't learn much about the places besides how visually different they are from the newer districts. As much as I loved the slower pace and enjoyed being away from the newer districts sorely lacking in character, my mind was in a world of its own, never really light. I had tried so hard to strip away the presence of other humans, but was never really satisfyingly alone.

2 weeks in hk, 21st, camp

two weeks in hong kong, my 21st birthday, and a camp has passed. It's been almost a month since i've had proper rest (discounting the few days of exploring in hong kong).  I chose to be detached from the people at camp this time.

In a few more hours, i'd be on a plane to hong kong yet again. Guess there'll only be time to write next week, all my mind understands is the feeling of exhaustion.